Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
