new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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