Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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