I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
is wine microwaveable?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
