uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
