Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
