I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
