Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
