So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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