I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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