there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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