I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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