Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
