dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
