okay pat passed out under dana's car
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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