I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
