M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize