He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
