I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize