My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Your penis caused this!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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