put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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