apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
