I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My penis needs a shock collar
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
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