I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
