I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
