I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
