Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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