People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
