i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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