I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Moan for me like Helen Keller
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
