I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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