My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
