Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
