Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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