I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
