Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
