I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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