okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
