My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
