Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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