i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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