yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize