I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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