Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
