I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
