Do you still have your period?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Randomize
