You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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