it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize