Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
