I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you win again, gameday.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize