Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
even my farts smell like vagina
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
