i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Randomize
