Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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