textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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