I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
