He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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