I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
