He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
