You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
