I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
