I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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