Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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