it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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