1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
