I can text with my tongue
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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