he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
