Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
