Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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