my mouth tastes like poor choices
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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