she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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