you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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