I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
