this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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