I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
