do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
