Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
