watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
