toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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