PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
