My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
