Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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