my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You may now shotgun with the bride
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
