so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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